I retain information best when I have to apply that knowledge to actual situations. The type of environment that Top School promotes fits the mold of my optimal learning environment. The breadth of knowledge gained from the case method will provide me with an understanding and background of many industries in addition to improving my verbal presentation skills. The daily exposure to the expertise of other MBAs will help me improve my relative weaknesses through case study groups. I am highly optimistic about the program because of the strength and diversity of the student body.
I was fortunate enough this past summer to speak candidly with a local Top School alum who shared with me his experience in the program. Although he focused on a different area of management than I intend to, we shared a similar perspective on the MBA experience. It was refreshing to speak with someone who was deeply involved in the Top School curriculum who wholeheartedly endorsed the program to me based on my background, expectations of the graduate business school experience, and career goals.
Like him, I don’t want to be pigeonholed into a narrowly focused technical management career as I am now. Although I am responsible for the productivity and safety of 100-150 people on large commercial construction projects, which is very fulfilling, my duties are still quite narrow in scope. I want to move into management which may not happen on my current path. Top School will give me the breadth of knowledge that I need to be successful as a manager. The “inside” information I’ve acquired from students and alumni enhances my confidence that the program will provide the elements that I consider essential to a successful and well rounded MBA experience.
I want a degree that is both universally respected and one that allows me flexibility and control in choosing my career path. I am not seeking a finance degree despite the obvious strength of Top School’s finance faculty, although that will be my concentration. Rather, I want a general management MBA with a concentration in finance. I plan to use finance as my path through the management ranks. One day I may decide to begin my own firm when a marketable idea comes to me and the timing is correct. Regardless of my ultimate path, the generalist approach will certainly prepare me to capitalize on opportunities as they present themselves.
I have become very interested in the field of information technology over the past several years. Doors will open to people like myself as the Internet/PC/software, telecommunication, and cable television industries converge. I feel extremely optimistic about the prospects in these markets because of the increasing stream of new products and ideas flowing into the marketplace. These companies need both financing assistance and management expertise to be successful. The favorable market conditions and the exponential growth of Internet technology indicates that this trend will not only continue, but most likely will accelerate. My experience in making quick changes to adapt to fluid client expectations and general market demands will prove invaluable to my success in this field. The four years I’ve spent in the fast paced, client focused commercial construction industry has prepared me for success in this exciting new venture.
I feel confident that my individual strengths and experiences will provide me with a good opportunity for success during and after my time at Top School and will certainly add a unique perspective to the MBA program that cannot be taught in a classroom. The focus on teamwork, which draws high praise from your students, will be a tremendous opportunity for me to learn from and share with the other MBAs in the program. That contact will result in lasting friendships and essential contacts when we all begin our post-MBA careers. I am satisfied that Top School can provide the opportunities to smooth my transition from my current position to a challenging internship and then into my post-MBA career. The MBA program will not only give me the skills necessary to move into the management role I seek, but will also provide for personal growth. The talents I cultivate at Top School will further sharpen the skills I need to be an excellent manager, and strong leader in the area of information technology. I look forward to the chance to study in a challenging and competitive setting comparable to the one I have become used to at the ABC Company.
This essay is way too general. As a result, the writer spends a lot of words saying very little of substance.
Vague opening paragraph: The generality of this essay comes through immediately in the first two sentences. What information? The reader wants to know. Which situations? What type of environment does Top School promote? Because of these generalities, the reader doesn’t get to meet the applicant on the page. We don’t understand what the applicant’s strengths are, why they want to apply to Top School, or how an MBA will help them achieve their career goals. Instead, focus on specifics: what has been your MBA-related experience up to this point. What goal do you want to achieve in the future that requires an MBA? How will an MBA at Top School give you the skills, experience, and connections you need to realize your goal? Often, it’s helpful to begin with a short scene to catch the reader’s attention.
Paragraph 2 - Meeting with alum: This is another very general paragraph. The sentence “Although he focused on a different area of management than I intend to, we shared a similar perspective on the MBA experience” does not describe what perspective they shared, so it has very little substance. Speaking with MBA alums can offer a wealth of information about the culture of a program, the values it espouses, and potential student trajectories during grad school and beyond. It would also be more helpful if the applicant could find an alum in the same management area to speak with. The writer devotes an entire paragraph to this encounter, yet we learn very little more about them.
Description of current position focuses on negatives: The writer describes how they don’t want to be pigeon holed in a technical management career as a way of introducing their current position. This puts a negative spin on their current position. More importantly, the writer does not take advantage of the opportunity to describe their strengths: moments when they showed leadership as a manager, made a process more efficient, encouraged collaboration, achieved a difficult task. Readers will want to know what makes this applicant stand out from others in the pool, not just that they don’t like their current job.
Future goals: “the generalist approach”: The writer states, “One day I may decide to begin my own firm when a marketable idea comes to me and the timing is correct.” But for an MBA applicant, the time is now: admissions committees expect applicants to have a concrete, compelling idea about why they want to pursue an MBA at this point in their lives. They want to know what have been your greatest accomplishments up to this point, what you hope to accomplish during and after the program, and how an MBA will help you get there.
Information technology: It’s good that the writer specifies their interest in the field of information technology, but it’s not clear what, if any, experience or aptitude they have in this field. At the end of the paragraph, we learn that the writer’s current position is in the commercial construction industry. Before this paragraph, there is no hint that the writer has any interest in information technology. When writing your essay, state your goals as soon as possible and brainstorm concrete examples to show how your interests and accomplishments support and advance these goals.
Description of Top School: The writer’s closing paragraph about why they want to attend Top School is so general that it could apply to any business school. They describe Top School’s “focus on teamwork,” but don’t specify a particular course or program where teamwork is taught. Meeting with a school’s alum is a great opportunity to get some of this inside information that can enrich your essay. Closely study each school you’re apply to and speak to alumni to ensure that this paragraph channels why you are excited to apply to this particular MBA.
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